When I found out that my son was struggling with an addiction to masturbation and pornography, I was devastated. I felt desperate to get it fixed right away. I felt like a terrible mother. About the same time we had an older son choose to turn his back on our beliefs and live his life exactly opposite in every way from what he had been taught his whole life. I must have done something wrong to have 2 sons in trouble.
I was so desperate for our son to get fixed that I would sit up at night with him so he wouldn’t "lose". I would sit in with him on his individual counseling sessions. I was afraid that if I disciplined him in any way he would get angry, act out and lose and it would be my fault. I was just plain afraid. I was a good mom and I would prove it by being there and healing my son. I was a wreck. This went on for about 3 years. When we enrolled our son in Sons of Helaman, I still felt very desperate to be a part of my son getting better and held on to my former habits. I would also call the clinician and question him about my son’s fighting methods or about his progress.
After my son had been in the program about a year, I began attending the Warrior Mothers Who Know classes. There I gained some valuable insights. I learned that this was my son’s battle because Satan feared him. I learned that I was getting in the way of his healing and my own healing. This was very important for me to understand. I learned that right now does not define eternity. I learned that when I felt afraid that I should express confidence in his ability to be a man and overcome, rather than express my worry for him and baby him. I learned that I needed to cheer him on from the sidelines rather than be in the fight with him. I learned to encourage rather than worry. I learned to give him opportunities to brag or show his increasing confidence. I learned that my husband needed to be involved in the battle alongside my son. I learned that Satan wanted to make me cry and be afraid and weaken my family. When I learned that, things changed for me. I was not going to be made to cry.
Satan would not destroy my family. I would do what it took to become strong and to strengthen my family. I have come to know that if I want warriors for sons, I must be a warrior’s mother. I need to be strong. I must teach my children to rely upon God and the Holy Ghost for guidance and to put the atonement into practice each day. I must also rely upon God and my children must witness my reliance. I have come to know that though the battle may be difficult, God has promised a way to overcome. There are times that I feel worried or afraid. I have learned that I can share those with my husband or a trusted girlfriend. That helps me work it through so I can treat my son like a man.
I am so grateful for all of the things that I have learned and continue to learn. I am grateful for the things my son has learned and for the warrior he has become. It took about 18 months for my son to graduate. On Mother’s Day this year, he will have been clean for a full year. I can honestly say that even though this has been a most difficult challenge, I would do it all again to have the results that have come from it.
There is hope. There is recovery. There is relief from the pain. Heavenly Father loves my son and he loves me. He knows me personally. He knows how hard this is. He also knows that when we go through hard things, we will become better, if we allow it to happen. I have learned that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior. He understands my pain and he knows how to comfort.
-Lisa P.
